He tolerates my moods and hugs and holds me when I need the extra love. Your Daddy and I have worked so hard together to manage this thing though. My patience is so thin you could poke a hole through it with a feather.
Maybe it’s just part of being a little worn out from the whole Stay-At-Home-Mom thing, juggling the demands of running a busy household, but I also believe that my occasional outbursts have something to do with my condition. I may yell a little too loud, or in a nasty way with a scowl on my face. Right now my illness is hidden from you, but there are times it creeps out. Last time I had to go “to the doctor” it was my gynecologist and she only had a plastic uterus to play with. You both love the special toy box she brings out to keep you occupied while we talk, and now when I tell you “Mommy has to go see her doctor,” you always ask if you'll get to play with her superheros. You don’t see me take my medication every night, but you have been with me to see my psychiatrist. It’s something I probably won’t explain to you until you are much older. You see, your mommy has Bipolar Disorder. My year-long battle with depression was won before you both were born. They have not passed without some terrifying ups and downs. These past four years with the two of you in our life, have been the best (and most challenging) years your Daddy and I have ever experienced. I've been thinking about writing a letter like this to you two for a while now. I thought it was an appropriate time to share this post I wrote to them last year, which I edited a bit to use as my Listen To Your Mother audition piece in February. We play it loud and sing along while dancing around the kitchen. My household now has this song memorized, and I love that the kids have fun watching the video with me. I was so flattered that she cared enough to share my tweet. I may have let out a little "WHOOOOOOO!!!!" loud enough for our entire neighborhood to hear. Sara Bareilles re-tweeted my tweet to her 2,749,330 followers. You may be squinting right now since my screenshot is so small. So I'll just tell you. It was a shortlink to my post about deciding to come out and write openly about the fact that I'm living with bipolar disorder. This is how big my brave is: wp.me/p1元an-ij #bipolar #IamBraveEnough So I spoke sarabareilles I'm in LOVE with your new song. Besides making me wish I had been a part of the music video, it also made me want to take action. I downloaded Brave to my ipad mini and had it on repeat basically all weekend.
You're inspiring more people than you'll ever know. Talk about brave!! So proud of you, Natalie. We couldn't have asked for a better anthem for Nat's Alive Day Anniversary weekend. I chatted with Natalie via Facetime on Friday morning and told her how awesome the song was, how excited I was that I got to write on the word Brave for my post, and how perfectly fitting it was to use as a dovetail into her own blog posts this weekend describing what she's gone through over this past year. It was through Lisa-Jo's post that I was introduced to the brilliant new single by Sara Bareilles, Brave: Because her prompt last week couldn't have been more perfect for what I was hoping to write about that morning: how my friend Natalie survived a suicide attempt a year ago and so bravely chose to live her life and tell her story to help others.
The stars must have aligned for me the night before. I linked up with one of my favorite writers online, Lisa-Jo Baker, and her Five Minute Friday writing flash mob. Something incredible happened to me on Friday.
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